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out of office
That's when I reach for....
"No woman in the history of the world is having better sex than the sex she is having with him... in my head" High Fidelity/Rules of Attraction double feature at Chez Salaryman tonight.....
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Poles apart
New Years Resolution #2 - stop accepting invitations for events I do not wish to attend I'm in an empty cinema, watching Pan's Labyrinth, which, frankly is good, but not up to the hype. But it is considerably more appealing than the alternative - across town the Stag has already kicked off, but I'm holed up here putting off the inevitable. But inevitable it is, so after a few, brief hours respite, I join the party; braced to drink my bodyweight in larger. Interspaced of course with the obligatory visit to the 'gentelmens club'. Showgirls it ain't. It's a dingy little basement establishment. Men crammed together on bench seats, thigh to thigh, being writhed at by some bored-looking Eastern Europeans - the lighting giving them a pallor to match their 'walking dead' demeanour. I don't, and have never got it. If the objective is to file the experience away for some later bout of 'self love' then this can hardly be enriched by having some fat bloke next to you shouting encouragement in your ear "go on my son!" Or perhaps it is. As with dogging and spit-roasting, it seems a peculiarly English disease, a desire to have sex in the presence of other men. I blame the public school system.....
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A little off the top
In any bar, in any town, regardless of the weather: little woolly hats are virtually the uniform for 20-something males. I've never got it. Who would consciously want to look like Badly Drawn Boy? Does any woman really want to get close to their little woolly heads? But it suddenly strikes me, in a G&T spilling moment of inspiration - male pattern baldness. The beanie hat is the combover of the noughties....
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Feel the burn
Gym packed with sweating newbies, getting the year off to a start with all those fresh resolutions. I give them 6 weeks, but whilst they're here they're going to be an insufferable pain in the arse. Top gym crimes: Bogarting the bench press - seriously, if you've got to take 5 minutes to recover between reps, you've got too much weight on the bar. Grunting; theatrically heavy breathing; or any gritted teeth motivational chats with yourself - I'm with the Scientologists on this one, some things are better in silence. Crashing the stacks - 'cause you've just maxed your pb and you want everybody to know it. Kleptomania - are you really using those 20's, 16's, 12's 10kg's; swiss ball; jump rope Road hogging - buy a treadmill, if that's all you intend to do for an hour. You talking to me?!?! - any attempts at conversation are a little creepy
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Well That About Wraps It Up for God
Tobias Jones got a healthy spanking from Guardian readers for his ludicrous little rant accusing secularists of fundamentalism. My own personal criticism is that he's intellectually lazy, using atheism and secularism interchangeably. Secularists believe church and state should be separate. That decisions should be made based on reason, not the interpretation of a 2,000 year old novel. To varying degrees of intensity, secularists believe religion is bad. This is a defensible position which can be debated - putting argument and counter-argument for the benefits and harm religion has brought to humanity. I'm a secularist. So for me, the existence of God is fairly inconsequential. Don't teach children fairy tales, and call it science. Don't expect the majority of us to live by the rules of some 2,000 year old novel. Don't encourage the more dim-witted of your flock that flying aeroplanes into buildings is a fast-track to paradise. Apart from that, if you want to believe in God, Father Christmas, or the Tooth Fairy it's entirely up to you. Conversely, we have the atheists (currently championed by the depressingly pompous Richard Dawkins), trying to disprove the existence of God. If there is a more pointless exercise, I've yet to encounter it. Belief in God is a faith based position which, by definition cannot be proved or disproved. Dawkins, trapped by the ego of his intellect, remains forever stalled in a philosophical cul-de-sac. In fact, the only people dafter than Dawkins are those trying to argue against him, and 'prove' God exists.
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End of year report
Progress on the New Year's Resolutions: Leave my job: Done that - and I better make the best of it. The slack pace at Stuff-u-Like means I've reached a level of idleness that probably makes me unemployable anywhere else. Sign a band: Disappointing - a number of bands I put forward, only to be rejected by the tone deaf halfwits at the label, are currently enjoying success elsewhere. Opportunities to try for a more discerning record company in 2007?? Stop buying dense management strategy textbooks in the hopeless belief that their knowledge can be passed to me via osmosis, rather than actually having to read them: Just the one. But, this is largely due to the lack of any requirement for effort at Stuff-u-Like Understand 'Beyond Good and Evil': Not finished, but I am enjoying it. Complete the screenplay, and get it optioned: Ok, so nothing you'll see in your local multiplex, but I have had 3 projects come to fruition this year Blog more often: Irredeemably hopeless as usual. Bench 300lb: Globo gym, for some unfathomable reason, doesn't calibrate the weight stacks - so it's an estimated 200lb, based on the number of plates. However, this preoccupation with upper body achievement leaves me somewhat bambiesque in the leg department. With ski season fast approaching it's time to revaluate my priorities. I'm taking a bit more time to ponder this year's
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Fat of the land
Is it me? Or are the proletariat getting more lumpen. I'm in that undiscovered circle of hell, the Saturday afternoon supermarket. And there they are, waddling down the isles, ladling their bodyweight of pre-processed crap into their trolleys. Fat children wining by their sides. It's the fat children I really find distasteful. I have a terrible compulsion to lock the doors and set fire to the place.......
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