I had slagged this off when it was on E4, but Chav 4 evidently feel the need to inflict it on a wider audience.

For those who were spared the first time around, Skins is the televisual equivalent of hosing yourself in excrement.

The big pre-publicity hype was that it's "you, know, like, real", because the writing team are barely in their twenties. It certainly has the feel of a student drama workshop, with no cliché left unused - Ferris Bueler is present as the central character, sadly his charm isn't; there's a terribly contrived Risky Business pastiche where a stolen car ends up in a river; and a 'crazy' drug dealer, straight out of Rules of Attraction. If it had been channelled directly from Paul Dacre's fevered imagination it couldn't have been less real.

What is completely absent from this after-school playwriting club is any decent adult supervision. Someone to take the essence from their little dreams of cool, and actually turn it into something worth watching. Which is bizarre, since the producer is Bryan Elsley. Who, many, many years ago when Channel 4 was a credible broadcaster gave us the warm and funny Young Person's Guide to Becoming a Rockstar. Sadly this is more Middle-aged Writer's Wank Fantasy. With the lingering shots of teens in their underwear raising it from the crass to the icky.

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