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On the South Coast. Today I'm playing bag man to a 'Director without portfolio'. We're process mapping some call centre scripts with one of the team managers. Despite the fact that's she's unfeasibly pretty, even I'm having qualms about this being a colossal waste of time, so Christ knows how he's justifying it.
But, it is instuctive watching him work. He's quite the reductio ad absurdum of an alpha male. Effectively a cock, with arms and a rudimentary higher brain function. But he's working his magic with this girl, it's like I'm not even in the room.
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1.2.06 19:14
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Something for the weekend
I need a haircut. I pass an emptyish salon. I step inside...Two cutters are working: a doe-eyed beauty who could best be described as looking like a slutty Katie Melua; and a Glaswegian scutter with hands like a navvie. I'm next in line, and they're neck and neck, nip and cut to the final snip.....and it's the Sauchiehall Street Sassoon who takes my head in her meaty paws - ho, hum
Then again, sleeping with hairdressers is folly. They could be a bad hairdresser - and it doesn't matter how good they are between the sheets, you're still spending the next three months walking around with one sideburn shorter than the other.
Conversely, they could be a good hairdresser - so on 3, maybe 4 occasions, you'll enjoy the undeniable pleasure of having your hair cut by someone you're also having sex with (not at the same time obviously, that would be foolish). But, all good things come to an end, and "let's be friends" doesn't apply to a woman with scissors in her hand. An average messy break-up can risk you coming home to find your white vinyl copy of Bleach in the dishwasher; a hairdresser scorned will see you in a beanie hat for a month.
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3.2.06 20:18
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The IT Crowd - Channel 4
That's an hour of my life I'm never getting back.
My initial reaction when sitting down to this was that the new firmware upgrade on my PVR now enabled it to actually shift time, and I had been transported back to 1983 - 'when you eliminate the impossible.....' Surely, in 2006, no-one could possibly be building a sitcom around the premise that 'people in IT are nerdy'. Or that women know knowing anything about computers, but love shoes....Not once, twice, but three times they tried the 'Made in Britain' equals crap gag. This is comedic archaeology, that joke was last seen in 'Mind Your Language'. The MD character is straight out of 'Reggie Perrin'. This is deathly unfunny - avoid.
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4.2.06 13:56
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Alone, in Madrid, on Valentine's day, I'm rather obliged to visit Botticelli's Nastagio Degli Onesti. A little snub at cupid which does give me an opportunity to gorge myself on the rest of the Prado's collection. An opportunity to see the magnificence of Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights and Bruegel's The Triumph of Death side by side. To feast on a room of fleshy Rubens. And one solitary, perfect, Rembrandt, overshadowing a wing of van Dyck and Velasquez'.
Later, at the Museo Reina Sofía I'm flatly dissed by the security guard, I've barely started asking directions before he's waving me dismissively towards the gallery. But, the hot sting of his withering elitism soon fades at my first sight of Guernica. Unlike the crowds around the (some might say overrated) Las Meninas, the gallery is surprisingly empty, all the better to take in it's brilliance. Leaving me just enough time to windowshop the perfect Miro, before taking my leave.
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15.2.06 20:35
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