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The boy who cried bollox
Bit too much earning and not enough living this week. Made worse by the fact that I've had to deal with customers.........<shudders>. Don't they realise their role is to give us their money and then sod off. If they do have the effrontery to complain, they should do it discretely, not write to the Chief Exec, which lands the problem straight on my desk. But, hey, all publicity is good publicity - at least that will be my excuse after we grace the pages of the weekend papers.
I'm not exactly flavour of the month anyway since I turned the £100m initiative our "strategic partner" GrandeCorp was going to pitch to the Board tomorrow, into a £10m initiative. Using the tried and tested technique of telling them their strategy was bollox. You could tell they appreciated my input, you really could.
I'm expecting a 'Knife in the Water' scenario when they take me sailing on a corporate jolly at the end of the month.
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9.6.05 23:05
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Family weddings are dispiriting occasions, it's like an ID parade for your DNA. I take some comfort from the fact that the more drool-flecked occupants of the adjacent pews are related by marriage not blood.
The bride on the other hand will be making a welcome addition to the gene pool. She is pretty, albeit in a country barmaid kind of way, but pretty none the less. Quite a catch considering the lumpen mien of the groom.
After a, mercifully brief, service, we're back to the reception, and an opportunity to "get down to the sounds" of Dave's Mobile Disco. I suspect the 'mobile' is more of necessity than convenience. As there's doubtless a legion of aggrieved former customers hot on his tail.
As I'm currently unattached, I'm pounced on by assorted relatives, chastising me for my aversion to wedlock. A cousin, mewling brat squirming on her hip, solemnly tells me I'll soon be too old for children. I point out that for the same money I could have an Aston Martin DB5.
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18.6.05 15:00
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If wishing made it so
To update on the wedding, it seems that one of my more god-bothering aunts has asked the nuns to pray for me, that I will find 'true love'. Do you think it would be disingenuous of me if I slipped in a few provisos? Nothing too elaborate, I'm sure there's plenty of PhD students eking out their grants with a spot of lingerie modelling.
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26.6.05 16:22
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So she's touching her hair and lightly brushing my arm as she tells me it gets "so lonely" on these trips away from home.
Say what you like about GrandeCorp's ability to put together a business case, they can sure throw a corporate jolly. The sailing had been excellent. Out to Cowes and back again with just enough wind to make things interesting (and to show off my prowess at the helm of course). They didn't try and drown me once, in fact they've been more than friendly.
The she in question is GrandeCorp's, extremely pretty, Hospitality Manager; and our evening is progressing smoothly towards a rather agreeable conclusion. So her "what goes on tour, stays on tour" pronouncement is, in my view, rushing things somewhat; particularly since they've yet to serve the coffee. But I'm currently single, and GrandeCorp have gone to a lot of trouble; so it was really just good manners....
Now, maybe I'll take another look at that business case when I get back to the office. £100m is not that unreasonable.
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26.6.05 18:37
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Patti Smith performs Horses, RFH, 25/6/05
Without Patti Smith there wouldn't be a PJ Harvey, a Kim Deal, a le Tigre, and yes, even a We Rock Like Girls Don't. She demonstrated that what you say means a damn site more than how you look. There's a lot of male performers of a certain age who should take a look as her as a lesson in growing old gracefully. You wouldn't catch Patti Smith doing a brandy ad in Japan, or licensing off her back catalogue.
The gig itself was superb: "Jesus died for somebody's sins, but not mine" - best opening line, track one side one? At 58, her performance has not diminished. It's difficult to imagine how these tracks could have sounded better at CBGB's. The atmosphere is marred somewhat by a few shouted requests from the crowd. As this is 'Patti Smith performs Horses', the set-list is pretty much a given. Her put downs are suitably withering.
She encored with a selection of favourites including an electrifying spoken-word rendition of her debut single Piss Factory. All in all, a truly historic event.
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27.6.05 17:24
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Innocently flipping channels last night I was confronted by rutting proles. I didn't pay my license fee to witness some slack-jawed phone monkey rogering a busty trollop. There is little comfort in the fact that by breeding with each other, the preposterously named Saskia and Maxwell will not pollute the wider gene pool, but there's no need for me to see his pasty arse rising beneath the duvet.
I have a vision of a brave new world. A Big Brother house big enough for all of them. If we build it they will come. Streets black with them, ant-lines stretching out into the distance: the Cheeky Chappies, the footballer's one night stands; the "all my mates think I'm a laugh". Everyone's welcome, no-one gets turned away. Get them in; close the doors; turn off the lights; gas them like rats.
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29.6.05 18:43
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