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the Fat Man cometh
The Fat Man came over on Saturday for drinks. Since I was on home turf I resisted his kind offer to drink my body-weight in scrumpy again, and stuck to the G&Ts, on our tour of the town.ffice ffice" />
A tour of interchangeably awful: Edwards, All Bar One’s and Pitcher & Piano’s. Each one as offensive as the last, rammed to the roof with teenage Atomic Kitten wannabees.
At least they looked like teenage Atomic Kitten wannabees from a distance. Going out with the Fat Man is the equivalent of having Ed Gein as your wingman. He couldn't have scattered them any quicker if he was actually wearing the gimp mask and carrying one of their severed heads.
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1.3.04 21:09
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a welcome in the valleys
So after getting rid of the Fat Man on Sunday morning, I’m off to a wedding. And what better mode of transport in my delicate state – an enthusiastic friend, mad keen to demonstrate how his new TVR handles on the limit. By the end of the journey I was toning in nicely with his British Racing Green paintwork.fficeffice" />
The do itself was Ok, apart from the customary lack of unattached young lovelies. This whole ’I met my partner at a wedding’ is a complete myth. Now funerals, there’s a different story, always at least one unattached woman; and black looks very slimming.
So, since I didn’t know anyone apart from the groom, I was having the usual "so, what do you do?” conversations. Which led me to a very interesting chat with a sex toy wholesaler.
Now as with any business, I’m curious to know how it works, so I’m quizzing him on profitability and strategy (not that easy when you’re trying to avoid using the phrase ‘penetration’,’ ease of entry’ or ‘firm figures’).
It seems one of his current biggest sellers is an eye-wateringly large strap-on dildo. Geographically, Wales generates most of the sales revenue; and demographically most customers are heterosexual married woman – just ponder that image for a moment……….
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1.3.04 21:23
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So I’m out on a date with the girl from the party. And I’m in the bar wondering why I am here, cause I don't really fancy her, it's just unfinished business. And we're having the 'getting to know you' conversation, which I hate, 'cause it's so obvious we're having the 'getting to know you' conversation. And I really don’t care what her brother’s name is, or where she went to school. And I can't remember what anecdotes I've already told 'cause I was so drunk last time we met. But she's laughing anyway. But that doesn’t make me feel any better. And we've got nothing in common, ‘cause she's training to be a nursery nurse, which sounds fun in concept (like air hostesses), but is kind of dull in reality (like air hostesses). And I'm biting my lip not to make snide comments about finger painting, and failing.........
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5.3.04 23:56
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Old rockers never die
It's nice to have a sense of belonging. According to the Guardian I am a 50 quid man.
Since I'm listening to 'The Queen is Dead' whilst I'm typing this, then they may be right.
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6.3.04 14:15
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time's up
My probationary period is over. Which means I no longer have to be nice to people. fficeffice" />
Last week I was doing a presentation to The Kids in another department. Basically just spelling out the breaks in the value chain. I flipped onto a slide outlining a particularly impressive bit of fuck-wittage and was about to say “and here’s where we pretty much tell the customer to piss off”; but I thought no, best moderate the tone, so I said “here’s where we pretty much tell the customer to sod off” – cue gasps and guilty giggles from the assembled party
I celebrated my new freedom by calling Legal a bunch of bedwetting bureaucrats, for requiring me to sign-off on the infinitesimal commercial risk of a project. Thereby absolving them of either a) making a decision, or b) delivering a solution.
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8.3.04 21:24
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it will be mine
Adding to my '50 quid man' credentials, I've just purchased this original promo poster for Loveless, one of the best albums of the 90's. fficeffice" />
Promo posters are my latest vice. I’ve always enjoyed the business of music, as well as the art. Promo posters are a major part of that, representing art for commerce sake. In terms of graphic design, some of the images are superb (check out Peter Saville’s work for Factory or V23 for 4AD), and look far better in A2 size, than on a CD.
They’re also ephemeral, a CD may last forever, but the hype surrounding that CD, and the poster that promoted it, can be gone in a couple of weeks. This also means they can be extremely rare.
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10.3.04 21:44
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Graham Coxon; Esquires Bedford; 11/3/04
First task is to actually find the venue. With a name like that I was expecting some dodgy nightclub with a revolving dance floor and wet t-shirt contest every Friday night. The sort of place Kerry McFadden is currently making personal appearances at.fficeffice" />
So after my third trip round the town’s one-way system, after asking the seventh local for directions, I finally found myself at “Bedford’s Premier Live Music Venue”. Which is your basic 500 capacity toilet.
First up are Bloc Party. Not the expected local hopefuls filling the stage for 30 minutes (obviously if they had have been local they wouldn’t have been able to find their way to the venue.....), but a rather good post-punk outfit. Despite the singer’s clear infatuation with The Cure they’ve got potential. Not as annoying as The Rapture, not as camp as Radio 4. Coming to a record label near you soon.
But despite their diversions, we’re only here for Coxon; and he doesn’t disappoint. It’s great to see such an accomplished musician just play the music he wants. Unlike an up and coming band he’s got no desire to follow fashion or please anyone, he’s just doing his own thing. His thing includes blues-punk that rivals The Black Keys or The Soledad Brothers; hard edged three-chord material straight out of 1977; and quirkily brilliant tracks like ‘People of the Earth’ – "people of the earth, you're not cool, you eat burgers and go to school". There’s even a cover version, a competent rendition of the Mission of Burma classic ‘That When I Reach for My Revolver’.
Brilliant stuff, but I fear too geeky and eclectic to draw a wider audience.
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14.3.04 00:36
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