We're summoned to the conference room by a lackey, for a special briefing. I hold my breath in anticipation: a mass resignation by the Board, a hostile take-over by Amalgamated Whelk Stalls?
Sadly nothing so good. But there is trouble in paradise. It seems our happy workers are destroying company property at an alarming rate. The Directors are at a loss to understand why people could do such a thing. But they do have a solution:
"we're looking for someone to sack, someone to make an example of"
I can see us all summoned to the parking lot one bright morning to witness the public beheading.
To aid them in their quest for a victim, they're instituting a 'shop-your-colleague' scheme, whereby we can earn cash rewards by denouncing the subversives amongst us.
They're pondering whether to go for a confidential Crimestoppers style hotline, or some form of reward and recognition programme: perhaps a Grass of the Month photo in reception.
I'm sure it'll feed through to the annual appraisal - 'It was agreed that Dave will be more active in seeking opportunities to shop fellow workers to the Stasi'
Although, as the darker nights draw in, I fear they might not have thought the proposal through. Those narks are not going to be very productive in the call centre after they've been treated to a Columbian Necktie.
As you would imagine, morale is at an all time high. Team spirit in particular is flourishing. We're no longer co-workers, we're people who'll turn each other over for £50 of M&S vouchers.
Well £50 for your run of the mill miscreant, there's a £1,000 reward for the guy who keyed the MD's Mercedes - dead or alive.
This is the first company I've worked for which has placed a bounty on the head of it's employees
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